Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
