Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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