In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
COCAINE IS GR8
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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