dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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