At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
