WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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