The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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