You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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