Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize