Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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