Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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