What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
