So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Shame - the story of my life.
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