I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
