i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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