halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
