i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
