I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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