Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize