the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
