Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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