btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
