Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize