Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
