Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
