There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
