just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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