Umm I'm too high to move.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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