This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
