i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize