How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
