what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
