Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
