He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
