Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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