She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
how do you play pong handcuffed?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
