hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
