I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize