Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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