he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
accomplished twins. life is a go
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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