It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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