Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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