Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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