I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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