i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
