I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
