my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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