Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
