Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
