What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
