and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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