Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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