and she was petting her beer can
worst night to have a conscience
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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