then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Girls should come with a carfax report
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
