I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
