I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
PANTIES FOUND
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