Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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