6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
