What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
