Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize