I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
