I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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