pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
