I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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