Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
why is half of my head shaved?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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