So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think I won the penis lottery.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
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