some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
