White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
