My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i believe in u and ur pee
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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