woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
