i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
