I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
