YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize