I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
