im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
