Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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