She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
