apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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