direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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