I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
