pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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