He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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