i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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