wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
