I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
