fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
All the doctor said was why
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
