Girls should come with a carfax report
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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