I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just had sex on a roof
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
