didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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