the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
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