i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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