So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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